You’re tailgating the car in front of you. You’re so close that you can read the bumper sticker that says simply:

Do you follow Jesus this close?

Ah, the art of the put down without raising your voice is a critical leadership skill.

That’s why the most effective leaders learn how to call another person on the carpet without first pulling the rug out from under their own feet.

Those reprimanding leaders persuade with tact that demands considerable emotional intelligence. They empathize with others. And the more they step into the shoes of others the more opportunity they have to persuade others to acknowledge -if not agree—with their point of view.

For example, consider the teacher hosting a parent conference about their child disrupting the class with his rude behavior. The leader in the teacher is tactful in framing the conversation around her teaching not “Your Child’s” behavior. The teacher opens the meeting with this general observation:

I find it challenging to teach my class when a student persists in standing up and loudly acting like a fool.

Texas Teacher as quoted in the book THE Teachers by Alexandra Robbins

“Invariably the parent’s head snaps around and they say to their child: “Do you do that?,” Alexandra Robbins writes in 2023 book The Teachers.”If you lead with ‘Your Child’ the parent becomes defensive and won’t listen.”

Here are three other tactics you could use to make your point tactfully without embarrassing the other person.

1. Get Curious Not Furious when someone is trying to stiff you like this hotel employee who was surprised to get a pittance of a tip after lugging three bags into the hotel room for the guest. “Oh, are you and your wife going to be tipping separately?,” the hotel employee inquired politely.
2. Provide a face-saving option. When the cashier in a grocery store noticed a case of beer on the bottom of the cart that had not been scanned as the customer inserted his credit card at the conclusion of the transaction, the cashier simply said: “That beer must be on the second order is that right?
3. Plead ignorance. “I must be confused. I thought I heard you say…..

For more tips and techniques on effective reprimanding — putting others down with class –without fueling the situation and getting burned –consider picking up a copy of SPEAKING Like a Leader, a Leadership Mints Series book on Amazon.com.

The third book in the Leadership Mints Series develops your ability to gain greater shared understanding and collaborative decision making through credible two-way communications especially in adversarial situations.

Get Your Copy of SPEAKING Like a Leader