By Peter Jeff
The Leadership Mints Guy

This is the 4th in a series of 5 posts
on Rhetorical Tips and Techniques
that President Obama could have used
to make his Second Inaugural Address
more memorable.
Boldface indicates
a departure from the original script.

A strong call to action at the conclusion of a speech helps the audience focus in on the key take-a-ways of the speech.

Here’s how President Obama could have developed his call to action using the metaphor of a car shifting gears and braking to more vividly illustrate his earlier invitation to complete the journey. (The following text picks up where we concluded the third post in this series: )

Shifting Into Gear

The time is now for all Americans to shift into a new higher gear on this road to Greater Prosperity. We can no longer afford to tap our individual partisan brakes and slow down the wheels of democracy.

For now decisions are upon us and we cannot afford delay. We cannot mistake absolutism for principle, or substitute spectacle for politics, or treat name-calling as reasoned debate. We must act, knowing that our work will be imperfect. We must act, knowing that today’s victories will be only partial and that it will be up to those who stand here in four years and 40 years and 400 years hence to advance the timeless spirit once conferred to us in a spare Philadelphia hall.

We must act, knowing that being true to our founding documents does not require us to agree on every contour of life. It does not mean we all define liberty in exactly the same way or follow the same precise path to happiness. Continue reading →

Filed under: Public Speaking | Tagged: Analyzing the writing in Obama's Second Inaugural speechbama's, how a speaker writes for an audience, how to spice up a speech, how to write an inaugural speech, persuading others from the podium, speechwriting to a specific audience, writing a speech so the audience listens, Writing analysis, writing analysis of Obama's Second Inaugural, writing for their hears not your lips | Leave a comment »

By Peter Jeff
The Leadership Mints Guy

This is the 3rd in a Series of 5 posts
on Rhetorical Tips and Techniques
that President Obama could have used
to make his Second Inaugural Address
more memorable.
Boldface indicates
a departure from the original script.

Metaphors, strategically placed in the middle of the speech, can help listeners more easily follow the train of thought. Here’s how President Obama could have spiced up his metaphor of a “journey” and added greater memorability to the middle of his speech. (The following text picks up where we concluded in the second post in this series.)

Meaningful Milestones

Together let’s continue that march for freedom-Beyond the Milestone of Equality in Pay,
Together let’s continue that march for freedom -Beyond the Milestone of Equality in Love
Together let’s continue that march for freedom -Beyond the Milestone of Equality in the Right to Vote

Our journey is not complete until our wives, our mothers and daughters can earn a living equal to their efforts.
Our journey is not complete until our gay brothers and sisters are treated like anyone else under the law, for if we are truly created equal, then surely the love we commit to one another must be equal as well.
Our journey is not complete until no citizen is forced to wait for hours to make his or her voice heard on election night.

Continue reading →

Filed under: Public Speaking | Tagged: Analyzing the writing in Obama's Second Inaugural speechbama's, how a speaker writes for an audience, how to spice up a speech, how to write an inaugural speech, persuading others from the podium, speechwriting to a specific audience, writing a speech so the audience listens, Writing analysis, writing analysis of Obama's Second Inaugural, writing for their hears not your lips | Leave a comment »

By Peter Jeff
The Leadership Mints Guy

This is the 2nd in a series of 5 posts
on Rhetorical Tips and Techniques
that President Obama could have used
to make his Second Inaugural Address
more memorable.
Boldface indicates
a departure from the original script.

Scrap the preamble. That’s what President Barack Obama could have done to make the opening of his Inaugural Address more memorable. He could have begun with the pizzazz of a spectacular fireworks display.

Instead, he dragged his audience through a 5-minute-9-second preamble before sparking the first splattering of applause. (President Kennedy needed just half as much time to elicit his inaugural’s first applause at 2:26.)

Obama’s sin? He buried the “lede” in the parlance of journalists.

In fact, Mr. Obama could have begun his speech with his 10th paragraph. That’s right the first 9 paragraphs were not IMMEDIATELY relevant to an audience. The audience listened for a verbal hook to hang on to. Instead they got hung up on a twirling lasseau of platitudes. In the parlance of the texting world: TMI -Too Much Information. For more detail on TMI see Part I in this series on the President’s memorability mistake in becoming the Explainer-in-Chief.

Seize The Opportunity Together

Let’s open with a fireworks display that captures the attention of the audience. Go to that 10th paragraph in the original script. Notice how this opening engages the audience more directly and immediately establishes the theme : Seizing the Opportunity Together.

A decade of war is now ending. An economic recovery has begun. America’s possibilities are limitless for we possess all the qualities that this world without boundaries demands: youth and drive; diversity and openness an endless capacity for risk and a gift for reinvention. My fellow Americans, we are made for this moment. We are poised for this moment. We are primed for this moment. We will seize it so long as we seize it—together.

Then task the audience to engage with you.
Too many speakers wait until the end of he speech
to ask the audience to climb on board. Continue reading →

Filed under: Public Speaking | Tagged: Analyzing the writing in Obama's Second Inaugural speechbama's, how a speaker writes for an audience, how to spice up a speech, how to write an inaugural speech, persuading others from the podium, speechwriting to a specific audience, writing a speech so the audience listens, Writing analysis, writing analysis of Obama's Second Inaugural, writing for their hears not your lips | Leave a comment »

By Peter Jeff
The Leadership Mints Guy

This is the 1st in a series of 5 posts
on Rhetorical Tips and Techniques
that President Obama could have used
to make his Second Inaugural Address
more memorable.
Boldface indicates
a departure from the original script.

President Barack Obama’s Second Inaugural Address could have used some rhetorical spice.

At least that’s the feeling of pundits from all political persuasions who were left groping for a memorable phrase -or a meaningful key message- among his 2,147 words following his 18 minute 40 second speech that seemed more bland than grand.

How could a podium pro like Mr. Obama fall victim to such a pedestrian performance from a purely speaking perspective? And what could you do to protect yourself from the same malady if you had to deliver an address to your company as their new leader?

Read on to see how Mr. Obama could have engineered his own “Ask-Not-What -Your- Country- Can- Do -For- You etc” mark in the minds of millions. Read on to learn how you can more fully write and deliver a speech that will leave your audience humming your tune and maybe even dancing to your message.

Read on for a general critique of Mr. Obama’s speech writing efforts. Then explore three follow-up posts that will more fully develop speech writing tips and techniques that Mr. Obama and his speech writing team could have use for a more MEMORABLE opening, a more MEANINGFUL middle and a more MOBILIZING close.

Restructuring Not Rewriting

Then on Friday February 1 this 5 part series concludes with a full RESTRUCTURING -not a rewriting — of the President Obama’s Inaugural Address that more thematically connects all the dots. In fact the final version that I will post on the last day of this five-part series will use ALL of the President’s words in his original script. My intent is to maintain the tone of this speech while helping the audience better tune in to the message. Continue reading →

Filed under: Public Speaking | Tagged: Analyzing the writing in Obama's Second Inaugural speechbama's, how a speaker writes for an audience, how to spice up a speech, how to write an inaugural speech, persuading others from the podium, speechwriting to a specific audience, writing a speech so the audience listens, Writing analysis, writing analysis of Obama's Second Inaugural, writing for their hears not your lips | Leave a comment »